Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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