I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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