I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
