i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
