i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize