he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
