I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
