I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
