Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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