I CAN MOONWALK!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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