i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
