Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
