Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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