my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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