Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have aggressive nipples.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
