Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
