You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
