the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
