How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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