I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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