Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
