he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
