just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
