Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
