So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
