look no pants
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Houston, we have a blender
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize