fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
