Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
