I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
