I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
