at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
