I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
look no pants
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
