sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
