Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
