i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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