but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
