You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
