I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
