after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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