Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize