Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
