Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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