I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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