Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
