with your own penis?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
