he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
