I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
