we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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