Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
