I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
