I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
