whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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