Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
