Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize