Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
