Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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