Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
