Yo dont text me then not text me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
false alarm. still invincible.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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