I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
