In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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