Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
