No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
