yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
