What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
