i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
