cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I deserve this hangover.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize