I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
