Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
from now on my penis is your penis
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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