just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
